My Page 17 of 4000.

I must be this pathetic that I’ve reached 17 pages and yet my mind has never been this full. Or maybe, I just do what I love the most: writing & overthinking. I knew something was wrong when its been 2 months and yet, all I could do is think of you and be that sad. The kind of grieving and hollow sad, sad. I guess that’s the result of US not having closure. That kind of thing were we should have talked, like we always do, only this time it’s supposed to hurt or not. Or maybe, just maybe we could have talked it out and end up still “US.” So a few hours ago, I sat down and opened our previous conversations and read them again. It was bitterweet. Sweeter actually. I got to smile again. I even got to laugh. I even had that picture of you. That perfect image of you sitting in front of you laptop, typing away to answer my stupid questions or raise an argument against me or something like that. We’re at this age and at this stage and yet we’re so immature. We’re that fun. 

One line stood out most. I couldn’t blame you or me. I think the natural reaction would be to blame fate. But I know I couldn’t. Maybe this is how we’re supposed to be you know? We meet, we talk, we smile, we laugh, we tease, we fight, we argue, we make silly faces and everything else we did. Maybe it’s better this way, you know? We weren’t supposed to say goodbye because this is how we should be. We never ended. We shouldn’t be. This is how it’s going to be and I don’t care if I’ll be looking back at our moments years later in my life. I’ll even look up.